


Just Over the Dawn

by bluetoast



Series: Winter of Discontent [3]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cancer, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family Issues, Family Secrets, Hurt/Comfort, Infant Death, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Leia Organa's A+ Parenting, Mentioned Luke Skywalker, Mentions of Cancer, Premature Babies, Survivor Guilt, Triplets, and some thearpy, this family is a mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-25
Updated: 2017-07-25
Packaged: 2018-12-06 15:09:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11603184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluetoast/pseuds/bluetoast
Summary: Monday brings the usual work for Rey and Kylo, and while Rey's day proves to be mostly normal, Kylo's is anything but.Written for HC Bingo, Prompt: Hugs





	Just Over the Dawn

Rey went into work on Monday already tense. When she'd told her boss she needed Saturday off because of a family emergency, the woman hadn't made a single comment about it. She stated she understood and let her go. Since she rarely asked for time off, she was under the impression that what happened in her private life could stay there, but she wasn't going to take any bets. She and Kylo had left for work at the same time this morning, with their nearly identical lunches, dinner in the crock-pot and she was planning on telling her boss her husband was sick before she left today. 

“You know, I count on you working Saturdays so I don't have to.” A sharp, annoyed voice came from the front of the Employees Only room, and Rey was glad her back was too the door as she rolled her eyes. Ashley _would_ be the first person she ran into after a taking a sick day. “Don't tell me you had a serious bout of morning sickness or some other bullshit, because...”

She whipped around, her grip on her bag tight. “Maybe you shouldn't get drunk every Friday.” She shoved her bag into her locker and slammed it shut. “Sorry to have messed up your usual Saturday Morning Hangover Party.” She stalked over towards the door where the woman stood, arms folded, her mouth slight agape. “Put on your big girl tutu, sometimes we have to do things we don't want. It's called being an adult.” She swept past the woman and down towards one of the smaller studios to warm up before her nine-thirty class. 

Stepping into the small corner classroom, she took of her studio slippers and tucked them under the table in the corner before she put on a CD and went to sit on the floor. For the first few bars of music, she simply leaned over, pressing her hands and forehead to the floor, the tension seeping out of her body, and she groaned softly, wondering how she could feel so exhausted when her weekend didn't seem horribly taxing.

After getting back from the hospital, she'd settled Kylo in their bed, and carried on with her normal routine. She did a load of laundry, made dinner for herself and Kylo, although he didn't eat much, and yesterday, she'd gone to the grocery store while her husband had slept. She lifted herself up slowly, keeping her shoulders straight as she raised her arms over her head, eyes closed, and she could again see the older man in the waiting room.

_Take care of yourself, or you can't take care of him._

She had done what he'd told her. She'd gotten plenty of sleep, and really, it made no sense she should feel this way.

She stretched her legs out in front of her and leaned over to take her right foot in both of her hands. 

Kylo had seemed so calm, so fine with everything when he left for work this morning. He didn't look sick to her. But he was, she knew he was. “I'm worrying too much. That's what the problem is.” She mumbled as she straightened up again, and then repeated the stretch on her left leg. “Baby steps.” She groaned and then lifted herself up to her feet and went to the barre as the door of the studio opened and the three students in her first class came into the room. “Good morning.” 

“Morning.” The oldest of the three said and, one by one, she saw the girls in the mirror as they repeated the same stretches she had done, then came over to join her. They were all gymnasts, here for what their coaches called secondary training; because there wasn't a ballet teacher at their gym, and they needed, according to the directors, some flair. 

Rey would like to go down to the gym in question and take a ruler to the heads of all the coaches, if only for the fact every time she let the girls out of class to go change, whomever had brought them demanded to know if they had done any eating while they were in her class. The girls were skinny enough; she always felt coaches and judges should be forced to live on the exact same diet as their athletes. They burned off practically everything they ate. One of the coaches had once cornered her coworker Iris, who taught a pointe class, when she was eating peanut butter with a spoon, stating it was a poor example.

Iris had taken one look at the woman in question and told her to lay off the ice cream.

“Miss Rey?” One of the girls, Kyla, broke into her thoughts and she turned to look at her.

“Yes?” She stepped away from the barre and went to change the CD.

“Coach Maddigan wanted us to remind you that we're not doing any _Nutcracker_ nonsense.” She looked down at her hands. “I mean...”

“I know what you mean, Kyla.” She faced the girls, watching as they finished their stretching. “Coach Maddigan can eat my legwarmers. I know you're not going to be in the _Nutcracker_ , he must think I have tulle for brains if he'd think I'd forget something the fact you're gymnasts and not ballerinas.” 

The girls giggled and came to stand in front of her, looking perfectly delighted.

“However, if you three would like to 'volunteer' to hand out programs at the performance, I doubt there would be much objection.” She lifted her chin. “When's your next meet?”

“We have a verification the day before Thanksgiving.” Mina rubbed her nose. “Competition season starts President's Day weekend.”

“So soon?” She shut the lid on the stereo. “Well then, let's go through our usual routine, all right ladies?” 

*

Kylo knew that had he not kept up his health regimen after going into remission two years ago, he'd have found it impossible to step back into it now. He couldn't remember the last time he'd had coffee, soda, or alcohol. He poured himself a cup full of green tea from his thermos, wrapping his hands around the mug to warm himself. It was a crazy sort of familiarity, and when he'd woken up yesterday with his hip throbbing, he'd wondered how he'd ever forgotten the ache. He took a sip from his mug, knowing he was only at the start of this battle, the fact he know knew this road gave him only a modicum of comfort.

He pushed the mug aside and pulled his lunchbox towards him, unpacking his sandwich and apple slices. At least he still felt like eating, which was something. He knew it would not be long before his appetite was gone, his strength, all of it – it would drain away from him and he'd have to fight to get it back, just like his health and everything else. He opened the sandwich container just as his cell phone rang, and he grimaced at the caller-ID. He took another sip of tea before answering. “Hello, Mother.”

“Kylo David Organa-Solo, what are you doing up? You're sick!” Leia Organa admonished, acting as if it hadn't been months since they last talked. 

“It's a good day, and I haven't started chemo yet.” He picked his sandwich up, deciding he'd use his usual method with her. “I don't need you to fuss over me, Rey does an excellent job already.” 

“I haven't met her. How do I know she knows what to do?” She spat, and he rolled his eyes. “I don't think...”

“Mother, I haven't moved, you can come down to Theed and see me and meet Rey. We've been married for nearly three years. Uncle Luke likes her. Hasn't he told you anything?” He ate a large bite of his sandwich. 

“Your uncle and I aren't on the best of terms.” She let out a deep breath, and her whole tone shifted. “Kylo, I know things have never been good in our family, but I'm... I don't know how this can be fixed, much as I want to, and...” 

“We can't come for Thanksgiving, if that's what you're wanting to know. Rey has to work both the day before and the day after.” He set his sandwich down and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Now, if you want to somehow convince Uncle Luke to host, it may be a different story.” What the hell was he doing? He and his parents weren't even on good terms, much less the kind to spend holidays with voluntarily. This wasn't the call he was expecting in the slightest, and he took another sip of tea before continuing. “Mom, you've given me radio silence for months, what's going on? I know you've never been impressed with anything I've done, but why now? Why do you only care when I'm sick? Are you still afraid to get attached? Hell, it should be a miracle I ever got out of Alderaan. Or are you calling to give me yet another 'I'm not living up to my potential' speeches?”

“Kylo, honey...” 

“Don't start!” He inhaled sharply before speaking again. “Do you want me to apologize for being the one that lived? It wasn't my fault!”

“I never said it was, but I just...” 

“What? You want to somehow put things back together? How?” He saw movement out of the corner of his eye and saw one of his coworkers closing his door, and he nodded in thanks. “Why now? Is it because I'm sick? Why not five years ago, when I had cancer the first time?” The torrent of emotions he kept locked up was breaking free. “Or ten, fifteen, even twenty years ago?”

“Kylo, please try and understand....” 

“I understand you're feeling guilty.” He took another deep breath. “You really want to fix this? Prove it!” He hit the end call button and dropped the phone, picking his sandwich back up and taking a large bite. He'd barely started to chew when the phone began to ring once more and, against his better judgment, answered it, preparing himself for the onslaught. 

“Kylo, I know your father and I have made unforgivable mistakes. I know I can't completely fix everything, but I want to try and make things right.” She sounded on the verge of tears. “Please, don't let it be too late, please...” 

He managed to swallow his food, keeping his temper in check. “Why should I believe you, Mom?” He was completely flabbergasted she was even suggesting fixing things between them. “You've wanted to do this several times, yet you never give me reason to believe that you're sincere, or that you'll keep working at it when we hit a milestone, instead of dismissing everything and quitting.” He took a sip of tea, wondering if he was talking to his mother or to a small child. “This isn't something you can just drop when it gets hard.” 

His mother took a deep breath before answering him. “I'm on my way to Theed.” 

Kylo nearly dropped the phone in shock. “When?” 

“My plane will start boarding in ten minutes and I'll be there in about five hours, provided planes are running on time in Coruscant.” She cleared her throat. “I would like to have breakfast with you and Rey tomorrow, please, if possible.” 

He frowned, Tuesdays were Rey's late day, not having any classes until the afternoon. “I'm not certain, Mom, I want to discuss this with my wife before we agree to it.” It was a perfectly reasonable request, and if she objected, she'd waste the trip over here.

“I understand.” she took a deep breath. “Your father won't be with me, he's still flying internationally. I believe he's in Japan this week.” There was a noise on her end, and then she cleared her throat. “I was hoping we could eat at Maz's. That place is still around, isn't it?”

He smiled absently, knowing his mother had no idea that Maz's Diner was where he and Rey met. “Yes, still there, still serves pancakes the size of a steering wheel.” He set down his cup. “Call me when you get into Theed, I should have an answer for you regarding breakfast then.” 

“Certainly.” Her tone had changed. “You take care of yourself, all right?”

“I will.” He answered. “Talk to you later.” He ended the call and took up his sandwich again. “Not how I thought this Monday was going to go.” 

*

Rey let herself into the loft, already knowing something was up when she saw the vase full of pink and yellow roses on the kitchen counter. She unpacked her lunch box and leaned against sink while she waited for her tea to seep, glancing over at the crock-pot, her tongue darting out to lick the corner of her mouth. She'd all but forgotten the chicken tortilla soup that had been cooking all day, and her stomach rumbled slightly. When Kylo came in from the bathroom, she noted he looked completely washed out; she had to fight the urge to tell him to go lie down until dinner. “Hey, stranger.”

“Hi.” He kissed her cheek, smiling. “How was your day?”

“I almost throttled a coworker with my legwarmers, but other than that, not bad.” She wrinkled her nose. “Didn't we see that happen on some television show?”

“First season of _Dead Like Me_ , I think.” He shrugged and went over to sit on one of the bar stools, wrapping his hands around his mug. “I got you flowers.” 

“I saw those first off.” She finished fixing her tea and then turned back towards him. “What's the occasion?” 

He looked down into his mug instead of her. “My mother's coming to Theed.” 

Rey gaped at him. “Tell me you're joking. When is she coming?” 

“Her plane should land within the hour.” He took a drink from his cup. “She's not staying with us, if that's what you're worried about.” 

“I should hope not!” She shook her head. “She's coming, now, of all times?”

Kylo shifted in his seat. “She says she wants to try and fix things. I told her she needs to prove it this time.” 

“I don't get your family, Kylo. I never have.” She came over and sat down, putting her arm around his shoulders, kissing his temple. “Do you know how long she'll be in town?”

“No.” He rubbed his knuckles against her arm, still not looking at her. “She wants us to have breakfast tomorrow, the three of us – at Maz's.”

Rey took a sip of tea before answering. “Public setting, requiring civility.” She rested her head against his. “Sometimes, we all have to do things we don't want to do.” Closing her eyes, she let her shoulders droop, and sighed. While she would dearly love to do nothing more than verbally rip Leia Organa to pieces, she knew this was something they had to do. If, God forbid, something happened to Kylo, she didn't want their first meeting to be in the hospital, ending with the two them escorted outside by security. “It's breakfast, implying we all have somewhere to be before lunch.” 

“Something along those lines, yes.” He chuckled, and she opened her eyes when he kissed her forehead. “Which, in our case, is true. However, she doesn't know when we're needed where we're going.” 

She chuckled and leaned against him before taking a sip of tea. “A valid argument if I ever heard one.” She wrinkled her nose. “Does she even know what I do?”

“I suspect she does, Uncle Luke would have told her.” He smirked and clasped his hands around his mug. “Rather than you know, calling us and finding out in a normal, civilized way. But that would require logic, and we can't bring logic into this.” 

She grinned and then looked over at the vase of roses. “Thank you, by the way.” She kissed his cheek again. “Fresh flowers do wonders, especially on a gray, cold Monday.”

He hugged her again and slid off his seat. “I'll dish us up some soup.” He covered a yawn and went back around the counter.

Rey lifted her mug, watching him. “I'm tempted to send you to bed after dinner, you look as if you need a few extra hours.” 

Kylo got down two bowls from the cupboard and placed them next to the crock-pot. “You won't have to send me, Sweetheart, I'll go without asking.” He rubbed his nose, “round one of chemo starts Thursday, so I won't eat much Wednesday.” he gave her a look. “you don't need to come with me, I'll be fine.” 

“Don't start with me, Oleo.” She saw his ears turn pink at the use of his childhood nickname. “Besides, if I'm there it means I prevent your mother from tagging along.” He set a bowl of soup and a spoon in front of her. “Thank you. However, if she even hints at grand-kids at any time during the visit, I may punch her.” 

“She knows better.” He returned to his seat and gave her a lopsided grin, “so, apart from wanting to strangle someone with a legwarmer, how as your day?”

She picked up her spoon, stirring the contents within her bowl. “Mostly decent.” She gave him a grin. “And I somehow have been cast in _The Nutcracker_ because I've spent the last two showings backstage and Helena says it's my turn to be Frau Stahlbaum.” She ducked her head. “When she told me, I nearly stated it's a part for an adult, then realized, I am an adult!”

Kylo started to laugh. “You're a young adult, and the oldest student at the school is what, nineteen?”

“Something like that, yes.” She grinned and ate some of her soup; it was delicious.

*

Despite being tired, Kylo couldn't find peace of mind to rest. He glanced across the bed towards the alarm clock on the small table; it was just after eight at night, and while he longed to sleep, it would not come. He pulled one of the throw pillows closer to him and listened to the slightly muffled music coming from Rey's studio, a Cirque soundtrack he couldn't entirely place, it was either _Zarkana_ or _Amaluna_. He managed a smile and turned over, and the memory came back to him, out of nowhere and entirely unwelcome. 

The little black and white photograph, he'd found tucked into a thick dictionary, grainy in detail, and when he's first looked at it, his eight year old self had been thoroughly confused. The date in the corner was two months before his birthday, and what had disturbed him was not that one of his parents had stuck a sonogram photograph into the middle of a book like it was a scrap of paper – he was already aware of how distant his parents were, even at that age – but that there was not one little blob in the picture, but three. 

When he'd asked for a simple explanation, something he felt he should be told, he was reprimanded and told he'd upset his mother. 

Upset his mother.

He was the sole survivor from a set of triplets and no one felt he needed to know.

If there was anyone who should have been told, it was him.

He'd been told he'd upset his mother when his whole world had been utterly destroyed.

It'd been Uncle Luke who had informed him of the whole tragedy; he already knew he'd been born prematurely, the earliest photograph of himself that he'd ever seen showed him in an incubator, curled up and pink, lanugo still covering his arms and legs, impossibly little and his eyes taped closed to protect him from the bright lights of the NICU. But to find out that there had been not just him, but two others – his brothers, just as helpless, struggling to survive the same as he? It never made sense to him, why did he live and the other two didn't? 

Tucked in a wooden box in his dresser were the rest of the photographs, the ones his father had told his uncle to destroy. His uncle had given them to him when he came to Theed for college, and he every now and then, he took them out and looked at the images, and each time his heart shattered all over again.

Pushing himself up off the bed, he flipped the light on and went to retrieve the box, sitting down on the floor and lifted the lid, his favorite of the photographs still on top. Mother, sitting in a rocker, him and his two brothers all against her chest, the four of them surrounded by a phalanx of medical equipment, the expression on her face was one he knew all to well; Leia Organa's brave smile. 

The following photograph was of another baby in an incubator, the only one of the three baby boys to have any hair on his head, and on the back, in someone's shaky scrawl was – _Matt Organa Solo– 2 lbs 4 oz._

Next was a photograph similar to the one of him, – and on the back, in the same handwriting was his brother's name and his weight. _Ben Organa Solo – 2 lbs 3 oz._

Kylo's birth weight was exactly the same. 

Exactly the same because he and Ben had been identical twins, at some point, there had been just one of them and Matt – and then they became three. 

And only he, Kylo, had ever left the NICU. 

His brothers were buried together in a cemetery in Alderaan. He sent flowers every year on their birthday, and every year he wanted an answer – why him? Why only him? 

He pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes, willing himself not to cry and failing. 

“Ssh.” Rey's arms wrapped around him, and he found himself sobbing against her neck. “Let it out, Kylo. Let it out and let it turn.” Her hand stroked through his hair and he put his arms around her waist and, much like he usually did when he thought about his lost brothers, wept.

**Author's Note:**

> For the geography of this series, I'm using the country of Canada as a basis, same country, just swapping out cities names with planets/places from the SWU.
> 
> Theed = Montreal  
> Coruscant = Toronto  
> Alderaan = Vancouver


End file.
